new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
