mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
