Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
