Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
