420 ftw
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
