the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
