Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
