She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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