I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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