I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
