This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
