I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
