the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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