I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
