you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to align my fucking chakras
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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