I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
