Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
