there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
