Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize