Swine flu. Run for my life!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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