I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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