Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
