It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
