you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize