Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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