They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
