we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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