either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
