I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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