You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
