is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
