Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
