he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize