Me. At least after what I've been through.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
