I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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