Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
