this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
