There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
