What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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