i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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