I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
