he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
