theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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