awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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