so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
