Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
