Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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