so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize