Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
