I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
