just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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