i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
