ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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