covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
