I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
