I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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