Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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