mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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