So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
