I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
