oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
