I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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