Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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