i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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