I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
