I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
