oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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