I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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