In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
