go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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