Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
